So I just put our PCS info on my Facebook page, announcing that we're moving to Alaska.....I know most people will think that's cool, which is great. I'm pretty much excited now, but wow, it took me a while to get over the shock.
We had gotten previous orders to Fairbanks, AK, but then our Army career path took a different turn, so I had a feeling that God had just been testing us, to see if we could trust Him to take care of it all. He KNEW that I really didn't want to go to the land of darkness and cold in the winter, and light and wilderness in the summer. HE KNEW, so I was sure that once He had found out that I did trust Him, and He changed our orders to sunny FL (in the winter, btw!), we had passed that test, and AK would never again be in our inbox! Well, I was wrong!
We were checking every day, about 5 mins after John walked in the door, we'd be at the computer watching him load up the page that would decide where we were going next. For about a month, I was sure that we would end up in NC again...I mean hey, we own a house there, we have friends there, we have a great church there, we've been reassigned there 2 times in the past! The logic behind the assignment all added up to the fact that God had tested us and now we'd get our wish to go back.
I was cooking dinner when John called out that he had his new assignment. I rushed over and he whooped, "Alaska!" I didn't believe him, so peered at the screen over his shoulder and immediately yelled, "NO!" I ran into the bedroom, slamming every door I passed, with him calling me the whole way. Tears streaming down my face, I pulled the comforter over my head and just cried.
I don't like the cold, I don't like snow, I was SO sure we were going back, that seeing Fairbanks, AK on that little line just threw me for a loop. I'm not an overly emotional person, and the hissy fit I was throwing was so out of character that when I pulled back the blanket, there was a line of concerned faces at the end of the bed. John and the kids couldn't understand how I wasn't as excited as they were about this wonderful adventure we'd be setting out on.
Needless to say, I moped around the house for several days, my brain praying to God that I trusted Him and that I knew that He had a wonderful plan, but my heart just wasn't in it. With all the things that God has done for me in the past, I'm seriously shocked at myself for this behavior. I've always said that God has taught me flexibility and that I was ready to trust Him no matter where we moved, so to see this rebellious side of myself has scared me about how hypocritical and judgemental and holier-than-thou I've been in the past....God sure isn't done smoothing out my rough edges!
God has changed my heart, and now I'm about 70% excited to go (I still wish we didn't have to get there at the beginning of the winter), especially as I've been reminded that good friends of ours live up there (in Anchorage, a 6+ hour drive), and that I'm not going to be completely alone. I still don't love the idea of all that wilderness stuff, but research into the town and Fort have made it a lot more real to me, and they even have a mall! I hate shopping, and almost never go to the mall, but the fact that the town HAS one shows that its not a rural outpost like I'd been imagining!
This is blog is going to follow us on our trip from FL to AK, pictures and family stories and craziness and stress and all!
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